My first ever blog post

I am going to be totally honest here, I have no idea what to write on this first post. I have never posted a blog and I am finding it incredibly intimidating. I am sure that this feeling will subside the more I post and the more I write. I feel I need to do this, I have to put some of my thoughts out there in the world, no matter how scary it might seem. 


So, hello internet people. I guess I should give you some basic information about myself. My name is Jacqueline (but all friends call me Jax). I have just recently quit my stupid, awful, ultra-boring admin job in London and moved out to the Welsh countryside. I am not English, although the UK has been my home for nearly six years now. I first came to London as an exchange student in 2005. I fell madly in love with the musician who lived two floors above me in the halls of residence. The musician and I got engaged after three months and wed in a proper castle after being together for nine months. So, in the span of a few months my life completely changed. I fell in love (this was my first real relationship as well), graduated from university, and moved half way across the world.   


I packed my whole life up into six cardboard boxes and sent them on a cargo boat to London. (Said boxes were held hostage for weeks on end at Tilbury port and after rescuing them I never wore any of the clothes as they stunk of wet cardboard and pirate wee, lesson learned never ship anything!) At times I felt like I gave up everything, I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore. At times it felt like it was a mistake. I didn't know anyone, I didn't have a job, I didn't have a life here. For the first month I didn't want to leave our flat, I was afraid of people. I didn't think anyone here would like me or want to be my friend. And that was hard for me as I had always loved being around people and I was always the centre of attention, entertaining people. I felt like I was forced to grow up too fast. I had to take on responsibilities that I didn't want, like paying water bills and hoovering. 


But, together we made it work. Don't ask me how we did it, but we managed to pull it off. We've been through a lot. Through thick and thin for better or worse. Life has been up and down over the past couple of years and I am finally ready to make a big change. I am going to figure out what to be when I grow up (maybe without the growing up part). I have always been one of those girls who is good at a lot of different and varied things. Like a Jax of all trades but master of none. So now is the perfect time to master a craft. Maybe this blog will be the first step in the right direction.    


I need to free up my thoughts and not be so impacted by what people say or think about me. I am a naturally care-free and happy person. Most days of the year I feel like a kid that never grew up. I love to play and run around like a little girl scout high on hawaiian punch and sugar cookies. I love to create and inspire people. But, above all I love to make people laugh.


This ability to make people laugh has been my defining characteristic for most all my life. I feel alive when I make a funny. I feel like the world actually makes sense when I get get a little smile out of someone. But, lately I feel I have lost this ability. I am confused and no longer feel in touch with my inner child. I need to reconnect and build a new sense of purpose and build a life for myself. Basically, I am trying to find a way to function in this world.  


I don't want to become some uptight adult. Sometimes I can feel my sense of play and curiosity slipping away. And I am going to do whatever it takes to stop this. Throughout my blog I am going to explore new improv games, share cupcake recipes, and talk about things that make me happy and hopefully this will pump some good energy into the world. 


Let's go! x